Short Break, Back Tuesday

...in which I preemptively distance myself from the blog...

I'm going to be gone for a few days, potentially until tuesday. I've got several essays due on Monday; and if I've learned anything from my Red Sonja review, it's that you can't write essays when you're spending several hours researching an obscure film.

So I'm going cold turkey from the blog for a bit, hopefully I'll get some real work done, and I'll be back tuesday with some kind of written thing.

Thanks for reading, see you soon.

Hey! Look at that!

...I've added an "About the Blog" section...

If you'll look to the middle of your screen, just below the logo, you'll see that I have a new tab listed. It's a link to a new page on the blog, an, "about me" section, if you will. I've added it tonight, though only under the insistence of a box of wine. I'll probably edit it heavily tomorrow, but until then, you'll get to enjoy this post, and the horribly cumbersomely written about me section.

Thank god for spellcheck, or I wouldn't have spelled anything in this post correctly.

See you tomorrow!

Nerdy Valentine's Day

...or why, if I didn't already have a girlfriend, I'd be forever alone...

We had a fun time yesterday, despite celebrating Valentine's day one day late (due to our pesky Monday schedules). Surprisingly enough, the night turned out to be a Battlestar Galactica themed event (maybe not so surprising, we finished the series on netflix yesterday). The show inspired this eight-sided card.

I was going to use a scantily clad Tricia Helfer card, but felt that it might not be appropriate.

I know. It's great. I love puns too. The dinner duties were delegated (forced) to (on) me, and so I whipped up a very fancy vegan mushroom and tofurkey pizza. 

Not BSG-related, but delicious, nonetheless.

 After that, we watched the incredibly long finale, discussed how much we hated the ending, and I was able to settle down to wine and katamari.

Perfection.

I might have been scammed by a deaf lady...

...and why I don't really care...

It's a funny thing when someone knocks on your door in the middle of the night. One half of my perks up--one of my many friends is here for an impromptu visit!--but the other half is gripped with terror--murderer, rapist, bill collector, oh god oh god oh god. Turns out that our unexpected visitor tonight was neither.

She knocks on my door, completely unassuming, probably not a murderer, but I'm still a bit tense (I blame procedural cop dramas for my fear of strangers). I try to say hello, but she instantly makes the signal for, "I can't hear you, nor can I speak to tell you that I can't hear you."

Okay, this is going to be a new experience for me. She mimes writing on paper and I rush inside to grab my sketchpad and a pen. In immaculate, but nervous handwriting she scrawls a message for me:

A hastily drawn and poorly photographed sketch of the event.

Sorry to bother, my truck ran out, can you help w/ gas, cause I need to pick up my kids     I have $$ but won't make it to [nearby town], truck is diesel

Of course I'm inclined to believe her. So my girlfriend and I scramble around the house, looking for extra cash, and come up with five dollars and change to give her. She waits really patiently and politely outside the front door as we make fools of ourselves, rushing around the small apartment. We give her the wad of cash and she nods and signs, "Thank you." Again, super polite, courteous, the whole bit.

A quick point to the nearest gas station and she starts off, on her merry way.

But this, dear readers, is where the plot potentially thickens. My girlfriend, expressing her bemusement at this story, begins to relate it with our friends online. We're not the first to be visited by deaf lady. Apparently she's made a business out of this little transaction.

Now, I might normally have been dismayed at this news, maybe even a little angry, but tonight I'm not. In fact, I'm disappointed that [girlfriend] told me that part of the story. Let me tell you why.

This encounter was a win-win scenario for both parties involved. She got five bucks and maybe a reassurance of peoples' decency (or gullibility, but I'm hoping for the best here), and we got to feel like fifteen minute heroes for helping somebody out. That, and it added some spice to what would have otherwise been just another night sitting at our computers (in this case we were both writing essays).

So I guess the moral of the story here is: Good on ya, deaf lady.

From the Sketchbook

...oh dear, not another one of these...

That's right, dear readers, since I've been so utterly bored this last week (snowfall keeping me inside), I haven't had anything blog-worthy to post. Instead, I've been watching countless hours of old shows on Netflix and generally being a layabout.

But that's about to change! Well, no, not really. Here are some sketches, though.

 Our favorite Skeptic/Believer duo, Mulder and Skully!

I'm a big fan of Fringe, and so I thought I'd check up on the series that pioneered the genre of paranormal investigation (not you, Ghost Hunters). It's still an incredibly entertaining show, if a bit predictable. 

Evil Carl Sagan, striking from his hidden Fortress of the Imagination

An all-day Cosmos marathon is also a really great way to spend thirteen hours of your life. Despite being made in the late 80s, the scientific insights and information are still incredibly relevant. This show was great at being at the cutting edge of science, and remains one of the most imaginative and moving science programs ever made.

[Cosmos on Hulu]

The incredibly prolific, Cinema Snob!

Finally, the Cinema Snob. One of my favorite reviewers on That Guy with the Glasses, he takes on the very worst of classic [insert any genre]-sploitation films. In addition to that, his blog is updated extremely quickly with new content. I could only dream of being so busy here.

[Note: I guess this is a decent sketch, but really doesn't capture the Snob well. It wasn't until I finished and stepped back that I realized that the beard is too full and his forehead too small. Oh well, that's why you don't pay me the big bucks.]









In closing: the snow is beginning to melt, and soon I'll be back to my jet-setting life of adventure. In the meantime, I'll continue to be extremely boring. Good luck all, especially to those who are more snowed in than I.

News: My "New" Computer

...in which I explain my absence...

First of all, I'd like to say thanks to all of you who visited from my twitter feed, especially to see my no-good Dune comic. Your support is really appreciated. Now that you're here, take a look around, stay a while.

In other news, my computer, my precious laptop, is no more.

It sounds dramatic, but I mean it in a sort of "Sure, Darth Vader killed Anakin Skywalker, but only in a vague metaphorical sense," kind of way. By that, I mean that the identity of my laptop has been destroyed, replaced by a shiny new OS and a clean hard drive. My old system was infested with more viruses than a.) an unprotected hooker, b.) a toxicology lab, or c.) a virus factory in Virus Town, you pick.

But now I'm back and faster than ever, but because of my computer woes, I haven't written anything or produced any art in several days. I haven't even been watching movies like I should.

In the meantime, here's another crappy comic about the hassles of a new computer. Enjoy, and see you soon.

Here's a picture of the scarf I'm knitting

...forever alone. While I like the idea of posting something every day, I'm afraid I'm not interesting or creative enough to keep to a schedule like that. I mean, I've got a few short story ideas cooking, so I might post a blurb or two once I get writing again. In the meantime, random thoughts that I can't develop into full-length posts will continue to be posted to my twitter. For now though, you should check out this picture of a scarf I'm knitting. As you can see, I ran out of yarn about halfway through and changed to another color entirely. The first ball (the ugly green/brown/blue) was just too hideous for me to continue. I've been learning the very manly art of knitting with the help of a book titled, Knitting With Balls: A Hands-On Guide to knitting for the MODERN MAN (emphasis original). It's going to be a great resource to go to when I need a wool beer-cozy or a utility cloth to clean my hog*. *The word "hog", in this case, refers to a hypothetical motorcycle. Given that this is a vegan blog, no animals were harmed in the writing of this post.

Here's an update on my situation

...or, other places you can find things done by me and posted on the internet. Life can get confusing. Sometimes you misplace your roots, wandering alone for so long you may forget where you're meant to be. Here's where I've been: Twitter (tiny nonsensical musings): http://twitter.com/beatnik307 Ficly (slightly longer musings which range from nonsensical to approachingly prosaic): http://ficly.com/authors/existentialbeatnik DeviantArt (tiny images of my nonsensical art): http://beatnik307.deviantart.com/ In the future I'll be consolidating all of these outlets in one completely nonsensical place. Here.

Twitter Updates Up!

Check out the sidebar, I've added a new twitter widget (sounds dirty).

Back from break!

...a shovel-post.

Hey there, speed racers. I've just found an amazing new site for you all to try out. Personally, I've spent about three hours here today.

You know those magnetic poetry kits you see in bookstores? Well we have the first online, collaborative fridge for your poetic enjoyment.

Check it out here.

My Submission to Rama One

...not that kind of submission. I sent in a short story. Well, we can keep the gag. (Which is dirty, and a pun! Oh man, so much connotation density)

Anyway, the real reason I've brought you here today is to tell you that I've submitted a slightly updated version of my short story, A Chance Encounter, to the newly established "Open-Source Sci-fi" blog, Rama One. It's called open source because of the novel way in which the site works (there has been a lot of contention that they're not really using the term "open-source" correctly, but I think it sounds good and conveys the general point, so why not keep it). Here's how it works: basically, every story sent in gets published, which is great, except that half of the stories are going to inevitably be Halo fan-fiction. So, to get around this little nuisance, they've added a very special feature: you get to vote on the stories you like (via a subReddit) and the more valuable stories rise to the top, like the sweet, delicious cream they are. Comments are handled through a similar system. It's pretty sweet.

At the time of this writing, I am, however only the third submission. But, I'd like to bring attention to Rama One, not because I'm especially altruistic, but rather because I'm not altruistic: that's right, Shameless Self-Promotion! So, I'd like you all to mosey on down to the site by clicking here. Read my story (it may still be on the top), forget about all of the rest of the submissions, and then vote on my story by using the link at the right-hand side of the page (you may need a reddit account to do this, I'm not sure).

So there you have it. Everybody wins. I get exposure, you get to read my fabulous writing, the Rama people get some site traffic, and the internet continues to rule my life.

I'll post updates on the story if anything interesting happens. Thanks.

A good day for a protest

...in fact, the NATIONAL day for a protest.

Getting back to the blog's hot topic of recent weeks: Gay Marriage. As you all know, Nov 15 was slated to be the national day of protest, against the marriage bans which were voted in during the recent election.










At least 250,000 people were estimated to show up at protests all over the country, and based on some of the images I've seen of the Los Angeles and Boston rallies, it must have been more than that. I mean, there were three protests scheduled for Oklahoma, the most homogeneously conservative state in the country. It was amazing to see the kind of support that this cause can muster, even in the heart of Hateful-hick-istan. Okay, maybe that's a bit much (I don't think so), but I was very privileged to attend the rally held here in Stillwater. It wasn't huge, maybe thirty or forty people, but it was certainly bigger than I expected.

The start of the protest was scheduled for noon. I strode in, with much needed soy latte in hand (it was about 40 degrees out, with a biting wind), not knowing what to expect. What I found there was the most enthusiastic group of people I think I've ever seen. The mood wasn't anger, or distrust, but that of hope and happiness. This is encouraging, given that these people have every right to feel angry and distrustful right now.

I was greeted very warmly by a few of my friends and the most amazing lady who demanded I receive a sticker. They read either: "Gay? OK!" or "Oklahomo!" I chose the former.

And so we stood, for about an hour and a half, flashing peace signs and cheering wildly whenever a car would honk its support. The day's events may not have changed the laws, but it's definitely made me feel better about the whole affair.

Halloween

For this year's jack-o-lantern, I wanted to make something that would really scare Oklahomans. So I present to you: the Barack-O-Lantern!



When the photo was taken, it's in the "a bit saggy" phase of the pumpkin morphology, but it's still good. And I used a scented candle for the inside, so it now smells of rotting pumpkin and vanilla.

I stayed home all night, in the hopes that, in classic halloween tradition, countless happy costumed children would parade past my door and I could make their night a bit brighter with a fistful of candy. Instead, I sat anxious by the door, with a five-pound bag of candy held tightly in my grasp, and received zero happy costumed visitors. Zero. Circle-slash kids.

I have no clue what might have happened, I did all I could to tell them that this particular apartment was prime time for some trick-or-treat goodness. I mean, I had the barack-o-lantern placed outside, the outside light was on, I even specifically taped up a sign proclaiming "No razor blades in this candy!" But perhaps I was wrong in my assumptions and kids don't visit apartments after all. Or maybe this apartment complex, as I've previously thought, really is just inhabited by sad, single people.

Oh well, happy halloween, I've got a giant bag of candy to eat now.

Impostor!

...who is actually a pretty good blogger. So I forgive her.

When trying to access my other blog from work, I mistyped the address and accidentally typed just existentialbeatnik.blogspot.com. Imagine my surprise when I was not greeted by my own smiling, cartoon face next to a light-hearted story about street racing, but another blog entirely.

Had I been secretly usurped? What would become of my musings?!

Nah, I soon realized, my domain has a "the" in front of "existential". But I was pleased to check out her blog for a bit, and realized that she's quite the good writer.

A quick expansion of the internet intellect.

If you're ever feeling complacent and bored with the internet (I personally hope that this never happens to you), but if you are, try this:

See the link bar at the very top of this page? Go to the link that reads "Next Blog". Click on it. Repeat. Try this now, then come back to this post after you've explored a while.



You've probably found, as I have, loads of striking things about this type of exploration. You'll undoubtedly be struck by the fact that English is not, by any stretch of the imagination, the language of the internet. I have spent hours and hours just exploring various blogs in various languages and styles and it's really expanded my concept of the internet blogosphere. You'll also find that blogs come in an unfathomable array of different subjects. In fact, just today I found a blog which was completely devoted to pictures of interesting mushrooms. It was fascinating.

Just do this for a while, repeat, keep clicking that link, soak it up, learn about some family that you'll never meet and how their twelve-year-old's birthday party went down, learn all about a japanese photographer without understanding a word of the text, learn about a young girl's love of whatever idol she idolizes, learn about all of these people, if only because you can.

This knowledge, these experiences, are put out there by people who care deeply about these things, and even though the presentation might be shoddy, even though they may still be using the blog's default settings, realize that all of this is part of one beautiful interconnectedness. The internet doesn't have to be about porn and online gambling all the time. This is the future of our modern civilization, and we all shape it in our own unique ways.

Start your own blog, regardless of how insignificant you may feel, because there may be a time, when some random blogger our there clicks on Next Blog and finds...

That's right.

To all of my loyal fans, (hi mom!) I'm gonna be back posting only the best in ka-razy writings directly from my mind to your computer screen.

P.S. Notice the quick nav bar I added to the right side, to easily facilitate your meanderings through the darkest corners of my mind, and the website.

Nerd Jokes

Well, I'm working on a short story for creative writing right now, so all of my inspirado is going into that. But here to pass the time...are some jokes, most of which only I will get.

"So there's a CIA spymaster who decides to teach high school algebra. He's a very stern teacher who tends to dramatize most of the assignments. One day he says to his class, 'Alright students, I'd like for you to do these averages...by any means necessary.' "

What's that? No more math jokes? okay.

"There are two things that put Chickasha on the map: one is the annual Fesitval of Lights, and the other is cartographers."

What? No geography jokes either?

"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate."

Ah, come on, you don't like chemistry either?

"...so the electron says to the positron, "Wow, due to the particulate interaction of a photon with that magnetic field, we've split up, except due to the fact that energy has to be conserved, we lost a neutrino along the way..." to which the positron replies, "You can say that again!" "

that one is just silly, photons don't react under a magnetic field...except of course if you're counting virtual photons, but as of now they're purely mathmatical abstractions...oh, well I think the punch line was somewhere in there...

anyway, more is coming soon.